it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
