I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
