i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
