all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
