PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
