new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
