sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we're making bets on your personal life
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
