The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
