a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
