Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
