opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
