I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
