i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
