she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
