Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
