I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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