I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
