The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
