I feel like abortions should bother me more
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
