my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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