Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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