I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
