He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
