i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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