If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's never too late to be topless.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I deserve this hangover.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
