I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
