Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
