Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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