I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
