You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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