Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
