I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
