My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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