I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
