Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
