she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
