Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
