What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
