I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
