Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
