my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
