4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
