I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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