yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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