You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
