so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
