You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
