Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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