Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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