i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
